snip cut style

Sunday night I spent the last hour sobbing (uncontrollably, of course) about life and career and how I fit into this world. Fears rushed up in me and grabbed my heart and I couldn't breathe, except for those gasps that make you feel like you'll never breathe again. Every so often I have those moments and they're gone before they even start. When its over, I realize how much I needed that gut-wrenching (ouch!) sob to get me through to the stuff that's real so I can begin to deal with whatever issue brought me to that point in the first place. I feel exhausted but rejuvenated. Drained, but energized. Defeated but driven. Its all for a good cause in the end - sustaining my sanity. It's a good thing (said with my best Martha Stewart voice).

These "breakdowns" are like getting a new haircut. I go to the hairdresser with the unwashed hair (hey, they're going to do it there anyway), a cut that hasn't grown out very well, pulled up in a ponytail for the last two months, and bangs too long I can't see. Then I sit in that chair and Adam (my hair savior) snips and cuts and combs the locks and at the end, I look like a new woman. And it's that new woman that feels rejuvenated, driven, and energized to try something new that day. Am I right, ladies? That's how I felt last night: getting it all out and saying the things that I was too afraid to admit, snipping and cutting away at the emotions too long ignored.

Now it's Monday and it's all clear as mud.